通夜の参列、マナーとは〜服装、香典、挨拶のマナーを紹介〜

通夜 に 参列 するなら、 マナー に気をつけたいものです。服装のマナーはもちろんのこと、香典や挨拶など、気に掛けなければならないマナーはたくさんあります。失礼にならないよう、通夜の席でのふるまい方を頭に入れておきましょう。前もって予習しておけば、通夜会場で慌てることはありません。

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通夜の参列マナー、いくつ言える？

若い頃は 通夜 に 参列 する機会があまりなくても、年を重ねるにつれて多くなってきます。場数を踏めば マナー は自然と身につきますが、できれば最初から知っておきたいものです。
通夜は、ただ「黒い服を着て、香典を持っていけばいい」ものではありません。数々のシーンで、マナーの知識が試されます。

通夜に参列するときのマナー9つ

1.服装はブラックフォーマル

通夜に参列するときは、ブラックフォーマルを着用します。以前は、通夜にはきちんとした喪服を着ていかないのが礼儀とされていました。喪服を着ていくと「まるで死ぬのを待っていたかのよう」とされていたためです。しかし、現代では、亡くなってから通夜や葬儀まである程度の日数をかける人が多くなってきたこともあり、通夜の席でも喪服を着るのが当たり前になってきています。

2.小物は黒が基本

靴や鞄、ネクタイ、ベルト、靴下、ストッキングなど、男女問わず小物は黒を着用します。飾りのついていないものが理想です。アクセサリーは、結婚指輪と涙の粒を表すパールだけが許されているので注意しましょう。ただし、二連のネックレスは「不幸が連鎖する」ことをイメージさせるためタブーです。

3.仏式葬儀には数珠を持参する

若い頃であれば「数珠はまだ持っていません」で済まされますが、30代になったら、どんな宗派でも使えるオーソドックスな数珠を一つ測っておきましょう。仏式葬儀には、必ず持参します。

4.香典の表書きは宗派に注意

親族ではない一般参列者の場合、香典の相場は5,000円程度です。香典袋は黒と白、あるいはシルバーの水引があしらわれたものを選び、香典の表書きは浄土真宗の葬儀なら「御仏前」、浄土真宗以外なら「御霊前」としましょう。

なお、キリスト教式や神葬祭（神式葬儀）の通夜に参列するときは、香典袋を選ぶところから注意しなければなりません。キリスト教式であれば、無地、あるいは百合の花が描かれた香典袋に「御花料」、神葬祭であれば無地で黒と白、あるいはシルバーの水引があしらわれた香典袋に「御玉串料」と書きます。いずれも、仏教のモチーフである蓮の花が描かれた香典袋はタブーです。

5.香典袋は袱紗に入れる

香典袋はむき出しのまま鞄に入れるのではなく、袱紗（ふくさ）に入れて持参しましょう。袱紗はネット通販、仏具店、文具店のほか、スーパーやドラッグストアの文房具コーナーや100円ショップなどにも売られている場合があります。

6.受付での挨拶は「この度は……」

受付に到着したら、深く頭を下げ「この度は……（ご愁傷さまです）」と挨拶しましょう。「ご愁傷さまです」まではっきりと口に出す必要はありません。その後、袱紗の中から香典袋を取り出し、両手で香典受けのお盆に置きます。その後、記帳する必要があれば、名前や連絡先などを記帳し、香典返しなどを受け取ります。

7.遺族へ言葉をかけるときは忌み言葉に注意

通夜の前や通夜の後に、遺族へ挨拶するときは、忌み言葉に注意します。通夜や葬儀のときに使ってはならない忌み言葉には、「ますます」「いよいよ」などといった重ね言葉（不幸が重なることを連想させる）や、「浮かばれない」「迷う」といった仏教的にマイナスなイメージを持つ言葉をいいます。

8.通夜振る舞いはなるべく参加する

通夜が終わった後には、通夜振る舞いがあります。通夜振る舞いとは通夜に参列した人全てを招待する会食の席で、食事を共にしながら故人の思い出について語ることが供養になるとされています。通夜の後に予定があっても、一口は箸をつけるなどして参加しましょう。

9.通夜振る舞いでは長居しない

通夜振る舞いの席は、長くとも2時間程度で終了となります。遺族は次の日に葬儀を控えていますので、疲れの出ないよう、長居しないようにしましょう。

まとめ

参列のマナーはたくさんあり、「覚えられない」「うっかり、忌み言葉を使ってしまうかも」と感じる人もいるでしょう。もちろん、他意なくマナー違反をおかしてしまったとしても、遺族側に哀悼の意が伝わっていれば、後の人間関係に傷がつくことはありません。
ただ、マナー違反をしてしまうと、遺族にあなたの弔意がまっすぐ伝わらない恐れがあります。心を込めて参列していること、故人の冥福を祈っていること、遺族を支えていく気持ちがあることを十分に伝えるためにも、マナーを守った参列は大事です。