お悔やみはどのように言うのが正解？〜言葉や宗教によるタブーについて解説〜

お悔やみ の 言葉 として思い浮かぶのは、どんなものでしょうか。「ご愁傷様という言葉は、使い慣れないから言いにくい」という人にも、口にしやすい言葉があります。故人を悼み、遺族を慰めたい気持ちを、お悔やみの言葉にのせましょう。お悔やみのフレーズや、宗教によってタブーな言葉を解説します。

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お悔やみの言葉は「ご愁傷さまです」のほかにもある

親しい友人や一緒に仕事をする同僚が、大切な人を亡くしてしまったとき、どんな言葉を掛けたらよいか迷ってしまうという人もいるでしょう。普段あまり使うことのない「この度はご愁傷さまでした」というフレーズは、 お悔やみ の 言葉 として広く使えますが、「儀礼的で、心がこもっていないようだ」と感じる人も少なくありません。

お悔やみの言葉は、「ご愁傷様」の他にもたくさんあります。どんなケースで、どのような言葉を掛けたらよいかはまた違ってきますから、一つのフレーズをどんな場合でも使うというより、言葉の引き出しをいくつか持っておきましょう。

さまざまなケースで使えるお悔やみの言葉10個

このたびは、お悔やみ申し上げます

一番シンプルなお悔やみの挨拶です。どんな場面でも使えます。

大変でしたね

葬儀では誰もがバタバタするので、どんな遺族にも、どんな関係性であってもかけてあげられる慰めの言葉です。

本当に残念です

故人や家族と知り合いで、故人の闘病について話を聞いていたときなどに使える言葉です。

悲しい気持ちでいっぱいです

故人と親しい間柄だったときや、家族ぐるみの付き合いをしていたときなどに、自分の気持ちをまっすぐに伝えられる言葉です。

寂しくなりますね

両親や兄弟などを亡くした人に。とくに長く介護をしてきた、闘病してきたといったときに使えます。ただ、のんびりした響きを持つので、突然の事故で肉親を亡くした人や、子どもを失ってしまった人にかける言葉としては、あまり適していません。

突然のことで驚きました／なんと言葉をかけて良いものか、わかりません

突然の事故や、子どもを失ってしまった人には、どんな言葉をかけていいかわからないという人は多いでしょう。その気持ちを正直に打ち明けるだけでも、お悔やみの言葉になります。

故人のご冥福をお祈り申し上げます

あの世で故人の魂が幸せでありますように、という意味を込めた言葉です。挨拶の締めにも使えます。ただ、突然の不幸で、家族の気持ちがまだ悲しみに沈んでいるときは「あの世で故人が幸せになるようにと、気持ちを切り替えて」と強制しているように聞こえてしまうこともありますから、気をつけましょう。

私でできることがありましたら、お申し付けください

遺族との関係性に関わらず使えるフレーズです。とくに一家の大黒柱を失ったような遺族には、心強く響きます。

キリスト教式で使えないフレーズ、使いたいフレーズ

キリスト教において、死は「神のもとへ召される」ものであり、必ずしも否定的な意味を持ちません。遺族が故人を失って悲しいのはもちろんですが、「非常に悔やまれる」といった、強く故人を悼む言葉はそぐわないので注意しましょう。また、「成仏」「供養」など仏教特有の言葉も避けたいフレーズです。

キリスト教式にふさわしいお悔やみは、「天に召された故人の平安をお祈りいたします」といった、故人の魂が安らかであることを祈る言葉です。「天に召された……」という言葉が、「普段使いしないのでしっくりこない」と思うなら、「どうか安らかに眠られますよう」などとします。

神道の葬儀（神葬祭）で使えないフレーズ、使いたいフレーズ

神道の葬儀では、「成仏」「供養」といった仏教特有の言葉を使いません。神道の考えでは、故人は家の新たな守り神となります。お悔やみの言葉としてふさわしいのは、「御霊（みたま）のご平安をお祈り申し上げます」というフレーズです。「安らかに眠られますよう」も適しています。

まとめ

お悔やみの言葉を言おうと身構えると、かしこまった言葉と態度になってしまい、自分の悲しい気持ちや、遺族を支えたいと思う気持ちを伝えられないかもしれません。そんなときは、普段から言いなれているシンプルな言葉を選びましょう。「とても悲しいです」「何か力になれることがあれば言ってね」という言葉をそのまま伝えるだけでも、じゅうぶんお悔やみになります。

気をつけたいのが、儀礼的な言葉を使おうとするあまり、その場に適切ではないフレーズになってしまうケースです。自分の立場や遺族の気持ち、宗教などに配慮し、遺族の心に届く言葉がけを大事にしましょう。