葬儀のマナー の基礎知識として押さえておきたい５つのこと

葬儀のマナー の基礎知識を知っているかと聞かれれば、「自信がない」と答える人が多いのではないでしょうか。とくに、実際に葬儀へ参列する機会が少ない若い世代は、葬儀のときにどうふるまえばよいかが分からず右往左往することが多いものです。 葬儀のマナー の基礎知識として押さえたいことを解説します。

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葬儀のマナー の基礎知識を知っているかと聞かれれば、「自信がない」と答える人が多いのではないでしょうか。とくに、実際に葬儀へ参列する機会が少ない若い世代は、葬儀のときにどうふるまえばよいかが分からず右往左往することが多いものです。 葬儀のマナー の基礎知識として押さえたいことを解説します。

葬儀のマナー の基礎知識は一度覚えれば長く使える

葬儀のマナー は、複雑と思われがちですが、基本的なことを一度覚えてしまえば、長く使えるものです。年を重ね、葬儀参列の機会が多くなればなるほど、マナーは自然と磨かれていきます。

この記事で解説する基本事項と、自分の住んでいる地域の葬儀に出ることで経験するしきたりとは、若干違う場合があります。そのときには、地域のしきたりを覚えておき、今後に活かせるようにしましょう。

葬儀のマナーの基礎知識1：通夜や葬儀はブラックフォーマルで

葬儀の服装は、ブラックフォーマルが基本です。ブラックフォーマルとは、スーツ売り場のフォーマルコーナーなどに売られている、光沢のない黒いスーツやアンサンブルを指します。以前は、通夜の際にブラックフォーマルを着ることは「まるで亡くなることを予期していたかのようだ」と敬遠されていました。しかし現代においては、亡くなってから通夜までの期間が長くなったこともあり、通夜のときにもブラックフォーマルを着用する人がほとんどです。

服と同様、小物も全て黒とします。男性であればベルト、靴、靴下、鞄、ネクタイを黒無地とし、ワイシャツは白を着用します。女性はストッキング、パンプス、鞄、髪留めを黒でまとめます。男女ともにハンカチは白か黒です。

アクセサリーは結婚指輪の他、パールのみが「涙」を連想させるため許されています。ただし、二連のネックレスは「不幸が連続する」ことを思わせるため、タブーとされています。

葬儀のマナーの基礎知識２：香典袋と表書き

香典袋は、仏式であれば黒白または黄白の水引があしらわれた香典袋を選び、表書きは浄土真宗以外であれば「御霊前」、浄土真宗は「御仏前」とします。宗派が分からないときは「御香典」が無難です。

神葬祭（神式の葬儀）の際は、黒白または黄白の水引があしらわれた香典袋に「御玉串料」と書き入れます。佛教のモチーフである蓮の花が描かれた香典袋は使いません。キリスト教の場合は、水引をあしらわず、無地か十字架、百合の花が描かれた袋を選び、「御花料」と書きましょう。

葬儀のマナーの基礎知識3：通夜は遅刻OK、葬儀はNG

仕事の都合などで通夜の開始時間に遅刻しそうなこともあるでしょう。通夜は昔から「突然のこと」なので、30分から1時間程度の遅刻は許されます。それよりも遅くなると、通夜の儀式が終わり、通夜ぶるまいだけ参加することになる恐れがあります。到着時刻が分かった時点で通夜が行われる会館などに連絡し、参列が可能かどうかを尋ねましょう。

「突然のこと」である通夜に対し、葬儀は可能な限り遅刻しないようにしましょう。遠方からの参列などでどうしても遅刻してしまうようなときは、あらかじめ喪主に伝えておきます。

葬儀のマナーの基礎知識4：葬儀と結婚式が重なったら

葬儀と結婚式が重なったら、葬儀を優先させるのが昔からのしきたりです。結婚式などのお祝い事は、後からでも二人に祝福を伝えることができますが、葬儀は最後のお別れだからです。

ただ、結婚式において自身が重要な役割を担っており、かつ故人が身内などではなく遠い友人関係や仕事関係であった場合は、結婚式を優先させてもかまわないでしょう。身内の結婚式があるのに、身内の葬儀が重なってしまったという非常事態になったら、親族の間で話し合いましょう。

また、弔事と慶事が重なるケースでは、しきたりだけでなく自分の気持ちも大事にして考えます。「結婚式の祝辞を依頼されていたけれど、友人が亡くなってとてもお祝いする気持ちを保てない」というときには「お葬式が重なったので、弔事を優先します」と説明し、祝辞をどなたかに替わってもらうといった対応も考えられます。

葬儀のマナーの基礎知識5：参列できないときは弔電や供花を送る

通夜や葬儀にどうしても参列できないときは、弔電を打つか、供花を送るという方法があります。どちらも送らず、後日弔問したり、香典を送ったりするだけでも十分ですが、通夜や葬儀当日に喪主が確認できる弔電や供花を送ると、いっそう弔意が伝わります。

弔電はNTTや郵便局はじめ様々な会社を利用でき、ネットで注文が可能です。文面もテンプレートが用意されている場合がほとんどなので、自分と故人、喪主の間柄などに合わせて利用しましょう。

供花は、自分が親族側だった場合や、親しい友人、会社関係などといった間柄のときに送るのが一般的です。ネットで注文できる花屋さんもたくさんありますが、供花は葬儀に確実に間に合わせなければなりません。「この花屋に注文したら、葬儀にお花が無事間に合うだろうか？」と考えながらネットサーフィンしているよりも、葬儀の行われる式場へ問い合わせ、その場で注文するのが最も効率的で安心です。

とっさの通夜でも対応できるようになろう

今、あなたに葬儀のマナーの基礎知識がないとしたら、それはとても幸せなことだと思ってください。今まで親しい人、近い間柄の人との別れがないということですから。しかし、これから長く生きていれば、葬儀の機会は必ずやってきます。基礎知識をしっかりつけ、とっさの通夜や葬儀でも、対応できるようにしておきましょう。